Budd’s Neighborhood

 Crash:  hug
for you

 me:  gahhh i'm so fat right now Crash
132
do you believe this
i was 125 like 6 weeks ago
i want to die

 Crash:  is it muscle?

 me:  no it is HIDEOUS FAT

 Crash:  baby katzen, no!  omg how did it happen!?

 me:  my clothes are tight

 Crash:  mine are, too

 me:  i want to hurl self off bridge
just need a bridge

 Crash:  i think i am up to 140

 me:  why isn't there ever a BRIDGE when you need one

 Crash:  so i'll probably fall faster than you
lol

 me:  LOL
well we're screwed with no bridges

 Crash:  this is true.  at least i refilled my meds today, tho.

 me:  and i'm in day FOUR of the same anxiety attack
mmmmmmeds

 Crash:  damn!
that is so not good

 me:  considered getting back on, today
took a benedryl instead
;-)

 Crash:  i don't blame you

 me:  poor man's narcotic

 Crash:  i keep popping cyclobenzaprine and xanax
cos i ran out of paxil for 3 days and no time to refill it because of evil evil job

 me:  mail order!

 Crash:  ooh good idea

 me:  oh i'd be lost without mail order
funny, in tthe middle of an anx. attack, the LAST thing i wana do is run out to the drugstore

 Crash:  i should look into that
yeah, no doubt
did i tell you about my nervous breakdown this week?
where i yelled at people at work?

 me:  you told me you cussed some bitch out

 Crash:  omg.  i so did.
i did not get in trouble.
:)
i even said "fucking" in front of a little kid.  at work.  and i am not fired.  whew!

 me:  b/c you're rad

 Crash:  and very, very lucky
hehe
but then i got mad again today at work
but didn't say any naughty words
so i think i'm ok
just a fat ass
with a sore throat and cough
and broken out skin
from being freaking overworked and overangered

 me:  i am also broken out
bad
stress and candy
ok well i'll have my 7 lbs gone by. thnxgiving
hopefully
i just have to pick a limb to hack off.

 Crash:  lmao!
i have eaten almost an entire large bag of peanut m and ms today
then i got sick.  surprise, surprise.
i find feeling ugly makes me homicidal instead of suicidal anymore.  it's weird.

 me:  at least they taste the same on the way up

 Crash:  or maybe it's vaguely both

 me:  HAHA
me too
it also makes me buy stupid shit from mall kiosks

 Crash:  we should write a book together
like proactiv? hehe

 me:  i'm that girl, the one they target to buy their dead sea salt shit b/c i look like i have low self worth
I AM THAT GIRL

 Crash:  ohhh the dudes that want to put crap on you as you walk by

 me:  yah lookin like 'i just wanna be touched'

 Crash:  lol!

 me:  'can't you see how needy i am? due to my huge ass and my acne right there?'

 Crash:  i said yesterday i was going to make a new magazine about how girls who have low self-esteem get all the men

 me:  'touch me for 40 seconds and i will buy two of your packs of salt shit

 Crash:  you are hilarious

 me:  it's TRUE
i'm going to blog it right now

 Crash:  i know, but it's so funny
you should be on snl

 me:  lol

 Crash:  yay!

 me:  actually i'll just paste this into vox
i'm so lazy

 Crash:  awesome
me, too

 me:  as well as fat and pimplehaving

 Crash:  fat, lazy, broken out assholes
that's us

 me:  we suck

 Crash:  but damn, we're witty

 me:  we have that going for us

 Crash:  i feel so much pressure to be the funny one
to make up for the ugly

 me:  me TOO!

 Crash:  it's like everyone lvoes me b/c i'm hilarious, and i entertain everyone, but then i go home and want to put a gun in my mouth
it's a sick cycle

 me:  is it better than putting a gun in someone elses mouth?
i suppose it depends on the mouth
and the someone

 Crash:  i just updated my boyfriend.
i call my blog my boyfriend, btw

 me:  haha did you paste my blog!?

 Crash:  nope
but if the feds find mine i'm effed

 me:  nice i'mma have to read that

 Crash:  yay!
ok now i have to go
love you.  and don't worry, someone is fatter than you today.  xoxoxoxoxo

 me:  love you back, thanks for the sage advice
 
 

Suggested by JM:

“Life is too short to read bad books.” I’d always heard that, but I still read books through until the end no matter how bad they were because I had this sense of obligation.  That is, until this week when I tried (really tried) to read a book that is utterly boring and unrealistic. I had to stop reading.

Do you read everything all the way through or do you feel life really is too short to read bad books?

I've almost always completed books that I've started.  Maybe because I usually read books that have been well-reviewed or maybe because I'm generally an optimist and that even after a slow start I hope that it might get better, or maybe I have a stick-to-it-iveness that says if you're going to start something you might as well finish it.

Speaking of of finishing it, that does remind me of one of the few books I didn't finish -- "IT" from Stephen King.  Clocking in at over a thousand pages and at the apex of his drug-addled, no-one-will-edit-him 80s long windedness (Steve: more isn't always better) -- I plodded along in this for about 400 pages and then said, "No mas!"

Oddly, I know several people for whom this book was one of their favorites, but I couldn't stand IT.

Not that my proclivity towards nigh-arrogant ranting and circuitous introspection demands any apologies*, but I realized this weekend there are some significant though well-concealed advantages to being a self-absorbed navel-gazer.

You’re going to need me to back that one up, aren’t you?

OK, let’s start with this brilliantly clever circle graph that received its fifteen minutes of fame when it landed on the front page of HuffPo last Friday.

To some, this may seem like an outright insult to Christians on a national level. To others, it comes off… well, it comes off exactly the same way; it’s just that this group of people delights in the insult instead of taking offense to it. It’s why we have wars, you know.

But what if the philosophical implications of this graphic are deeper than either of those cramped assumptions? Isn’t it possible the obvious joke is only there as an appetizer for your brain? Could there be something beyond the glib comparison of three movie monsters to the Messiah?

And if I can get you to see what I’m pointing at, can I then use the same similes and metaphors to confuse things and diminish the entire thing back down to a trite GraphJam entry?

Only one way to find out, I guess.

So anyway, being an artist by profession, I have an appreciation for color that perhaps my non-creative friends lack. Nevertheless, most people who see the above image would take note, albeit to varying degrees, of what could potentially be the most significant aspect of the illustration: that the hues change tint as they overlap. Oh sure, it’s done primarily to distinguish the individual circles while avoiding the clutter of each circle having a black stroke around it. But if we’re willing to assume a respectable level of intelligence for the graphic artist, we can very easily contrive some other, more important symbolism in this design.

For example, considering the person’s artistic nature, we can decide that the three circles are a subliminal color-mixing palette. Voila! Instant Philosophical Proposition! We are now conveniently positioned to make the symbol represent whatever we want simply by piously stating, “The final question is this: do you see God as additive or subtractive?”

The beautiful cleverness of this is that we’ve now opened up the argument for what defines something as additive and what makes something subtractive. Further applying these parameters to an omnipotent being keeps the idea immortal by giving rise to mutually exclusive factions, each with its own specialized and unequivocal interpretation of the image.

The Three-Circle Purists say the underlying message merely reinforces the graphic’s original idea that God is the culmination of all monstrosities to the point of becoming the blackest monster of them all. They refer to the very manner in which the tints darken as they progress towards Jesus Christ as their evidence. Declaring him to be a subtractive deity, they give God the name “Simmik” (spelled cmyk) and dub him the Bringer of Blackness.

The Paradoxicals, however, insist that the diagram represents Jesus’ tendency to spend the majority of his ministry in the presence of the most misguided, baleful sinners and that the choice of colors is intended as a subtle testament to that necessary irony. They claim repeatedly – almost to the point of recitation – that it is light from which God and all good things are born and thus, just like light, God must be additive. To them, the completeness of God results in a clean, perfect whiteness. He is given the title “Regrebloo the Pure”. Countless hymns are composed rejoicing in the promise of that glorious day when all colors will come together to form the most perfect White.

Of course, the cynical 3-CPs are all over that with shouts of racism and accusations of a religiously driven eugenic agenda. Science fiction novels begin to be regularly presented as oracular tomes. PK Dick and Isaac Asimov become revered as great prophets.

The Doxies then issue a collective sardonic snort by taking out full-page ads and erecting billboards likening fundamentalist 3-C doctrine to that of the Church of Scientology, citing as fact the very arguable notion that L. Ron Hubbard was also a science fiction author. This campaign fails miserably, however, as does their droll attempt to humiliate their adversaries by referring to them as “C-3POs”.

The battle rages for decades. Nonsensical self-help books emerge with titles like I, Robot. U Can’t Subtract! and Paradoxicals Do It With Guile. Passion becomes petulance and devotion turns into duress. A purist menacingly holds a 2x4 like a baseball bat and a doxie pulls his handgun…

Then, only after countless lives have been lost to the argument, does the illustration’s creator (by now aged 106) finally issue a public statement declaring that he is, in point of fact, completely colorblind.

And just like that, the sum of time and energy dedicated to either side of the debate is fully devalued. All the stock placed in both ideals is instantly obliterated. Every measure of strength and motivation imbued by the conflict is just as effectively depleted.

There was really never anything more to the illustration than an insensitive jape…

…right?

*In fact, some people actually like that sort of thing. I simply provide a service – an abrasive but oddly arousing service. So do hookers, but unlike a prostitute, I service you free of charge.

It was a big day for Penny yesterday as she completed and graduated from her Family Dog I class.  For the past month and a half or so, we’ve been working on sitting and staying and heeling and coming when called – all the things that are needed to be a good dog citizen.
 

I will have to say that Penny didn’t really love the classroom environment, because she couldn’t quite conceive of a place where there were half a dozen nice dogs and that she wasn’t supposed to play with them.  What else could they be there for???
 
Still – when called on to do her series of behaviors, I have to say that she did really really well and passed with flying colors.  After the final class, there was a little graduation ceremony and all the dogs received their diplomas to everyone’s cheers, though I’m pretty sure Penny was everybody’s favorite (not that I’m biased or anything).
 
After the class, Penny got an extra treat and then got to go play with her BFF Roxy the Vizsla at dog beach.  They ran and ran and ran together and just had a great old time.
 

Afterwards, we all tramped over to a dog-friendly café in Del Mar for a late breakfast, relaxing well into the early afternoon over good food, pleasant conversation and tired pups.
 
Good job, Penny!

No, it's not the name of a new Disney after-school TV series. Sorry to disappoint.

The title of this post is actually referring to a couple of super-awesome photos from Amanda's recent trip to Colorado, where she enjoyed the rare and thrilling experience of having her face tasted by a full-grown wolf. Not many can say they've done that, you know, because usually they are dead or unable to form words through all the scar tissue...

Xkcd is usually pretty good -- but this is genius.

Happy Friday!

So, one of the things I’ve gotten to spend some more time with during my – err – sabbatical from gainful employment – is my piano.

For those who’ve been around here a while, you might recall that a couple of years ago, I was stressing about and then actually enjoying learning a little music theory in the last piano class I had before I started taking private lessons.

So, last year, after I’d settled in and developed a bit of rapport with my teacher, I’d described the things I’d liked and not-liked about the classes I had taken.  One thing I’d said I’d appreciated (and that maybe it was my analytical-science side coming out) was the introduction to music theory that I’d had – how it helped shaped the way I heard and learned new pieces.  She suggested that I start a series of workbooks on music theory for the piano.

I think this series is pretty good, and after a year or so I’m right in the middle of the set.  I’ve really enjoyed learning the hows and whys of how a musical composition is put together.  We’ve covered meter, scales, keys, intervals, chords, ornaments, motifs and have begun to analyze different compositions for melodic phrase structure.  There are also sections for ear training and sight-reading.  Altogether, I think they’ve really helped me be a better (and I use this word very generously) musician.

So, of course, reading and dissecting music naturally began to make me curious about how it gets created.  Do you start from a motif and build?  Do you start with a feeling and go?  What are the “rules” that make something sound “good”?  And so on…

And so, last month, I started another series: “The Craft of Music Composition”.  This also has several levels and naturally I’m starting at the entry level, since I’ve never written music in my life.  The first book has a sort of a lead-you-by-the-hand way that takes some of the intimidation out of the idea of putting notes to paper (or notes into Finale’ as the 21st century equivalent might be…) – while learning some of the common techniques used by composers.

I’ve never really considered myself a “creative” person.  Insightful, maybe.  Analytical, for sure.  So composition is way out of my comfort zone – and maybe that’s good.  I don’t know that there will be any critical successes coming from my brain, but it sure is fun to sit and plink-plunk-plink at the keys and decide what you think sounds good.

Wish me luck!

I’m still bummed, so I’ll keep this short.  Great season.  Good playoff run and lost to a very good team that got more clutch pitching and better clutch pitching in this Series.

Hideki Matsui (who had SIX RBIs tonight – holy crap -- and who hit the cover off the ball all Series) and Andy Pettitte were great examples of both of those tonight as the Yankees closed out the World Series at home, winning 7-3.  Pedro Martinez was fair but really it was the Durbin-Happ tagteam that couldn’t stop the bloodletting.

Anyway – good job from the Yankees, they got it done when they had to.  And at least as a silver lining, Noelle still owes me lunch for the NLCS…

Today, the NIH announced that they are spending $27MM of your Recovery money on creating a social network for scientists in the biomedical research community.  You can read about it here.

The goal is summed up as follows:

These Web-based initiatives will bring the power of Internet-based tools, as exemplified by social networking, to biomedical research. Modern technologies for communication and collaboration have the potential to enhance interdisciplinary research, enabling individuals to connect with each other and with resources — irrespective of location — to address challenges in new ways.

That’s very nice – but I wonder if this is really necessary?  Frankly, most of the social networks among scientists that I know involve a couple of pints.  And though I don’t want to be a Luddite, I wonder if it can be successful.   Do I really need a social network to help me solve scientific problems of a common sort (Hey peeps, I’m out of ammonium sulfate, anyone in 92121 got any in da house?)?   

Because I’ll tell you, the first thing that popped into my mind when I heard about this was two little letters: “I” and “P” as in Intellectual Property.  The who “owns” what question is always a contentious issue that plagues researchers from the --- whose name gets to go on a paper, or whose name gets to go first on the paper questions on the academic side – to the industry ones of who had an intellectual contribution worthy to be on a patent to which organization owns the rights to this new discovery and can license it out to the highest bidder(s)?  Can you imagine “Hey peeps, I’m looking to cure Parkinson’s Disease with this new compound I made, anyone got a validated preclinical animal model in da house?”  Somehow I don’t think so.

I think this also raises the question of how many social networking sites do you really need?  I have three that I can think of – Facebook, Vox and LinkedIn – which seem to adequately cover the personal and professional sides of life.  I’ve eschewed Twitter because I think it only enforces America’s short-attention span problem.  Though I did just get a GoogleWave test-account (thanks, DeWitte!) – and I’m not really sure how to classify that.  So – is this new endeavor supposed to be a less “career networking” and more a "work networking" site than LinkedIn?  Perhaps.

I’m sure being supported by the government, they’ll come up with some terrible name out of committee – NerdNet, Science Communication And Networking Tool (SCANT), Fritter?   Maybe the social network itself should organize and name itself.  

What do you guys think?  Good idea, bad idea, I'm not a scientist so who the heck cares and I want my $27 mil back?

Coming out of the fog of the flu this week (the reason for a lapse in posting – so much for NaNoBloMo), I was excited about the Big Halloween Sports weekend that was happening in Philadelphia with both the Phillies and the Eagles against rivals from New York.

The Phillies had left Yankee Stadium with a 1-1 split, which was really good.  They had a masterful performance from Cliff Lee in Game 1 (a fairly easy 6-1 victory) and ended up on the wrong side of a pitchers’ duel between AJ Burnett and Pedro Martinez, losing 3-1.   Games 3 and 4 would be this weekend.

The Eagles were facing their first tough game since a Week 2 McNabb-less slaughter at the feet of the Saints in facing the division leading NY Giants.  Philadephians can sometimes be a little insecure when it comes to being compared to New Yorkers and their city -- and here were 3 huge make-or-break games in barely 24 hours.

The narrative for the World Series had been two heavy hitting line-ups against good starters and questionable bullpens.  The first two games certainly didn’t fit that bill with dominating pitching, but Game 3 saw last year’s WS MVP Cole Hamels become unglued (as he did against the Dodgers) by questionable calls and bad breaks.  He was cruising when Alex Rodriguez’ long fly down the right field plunked off a FOX TV camera that was inconceivably placed IN THE FIELD OF PLAY.  After a short review, umpires decided hey-it-probably-would’ve-been-a-homer-so-lets-give-it-to-him.  Uhhh—sure, okay.  Regardless, Hamels never recovered, coughing up five excruciating runs over two innings, including an unacceptable inning extending hit to an AL pitcher.  The Phils bats kept adding runs (including a mammoth shot by Jason Werth), but each relief pitcher Cholly trotted out kept the Yankees comfortably ahead.

And if you’d have told me that Joe Blanton and CC Sebathia would pitch about 6 innings and the score would be 4-2, I’d have taken it in a heartbeat.  The Phils were en route to a storybook finish – scoring a run in the 7th and 8th each to tie the game at 4.  In the 9th, closer Brad Lidge got two quick outs and the Phils were primed to go into the bottom of the inning with all the momentum – and last year, that’s would have happened.  But like Hamels, this isn’t your 2008 vintage Lidge.  He gave up a hard-fought single to Johnny Damon – who promptly stole 2nd and 3rd – and then hit Mark Teixeira and then gave up a career-highlight double to Alex Rodriguez to seal the game and take what could have been an anyone’s series 2-2 tie to a every-game is elimination 3-1 deficit.

World Series games like this are won on intagibles – the 10 pitch AB for hit, the diving catch made or not made, the perfect pitch made in a jam, the clutch two-out RBI double.  Give the Yankees credit – they’re doing them all right now.

Perhaps as a little silver lining, the Eagles and Giants played the early card to Game 4 yesterday – and the Eagles came out slapped two 2 TDs on the board and never really looked back.  McNabb was sharp and the offense moved, even with the absence of all-everything Brian Westbrook.

Andy Reid used something I haven’t seen many years of Eagles-watching – and that was a full-back.  Eli Manning continued his recent descent onto the schnide – tossing two picks and looking out of sorts all game.  The Birdz cruised to a 40-17 splattering of the G-men to --- and I’m not making this up – take their share of 1st place in the NFC East.  Man, is that loss to Oakland gonna haunt them.

Personally, I’m glad to be feeling better and really glad that I can recoup from a tough 24 hours before World Series game tomorrow night.